Blog

Intimacy and sexual intimacy rather than Intensity/co-dependence

Andrew Campbell - Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Intimacy and Sexual intimacy requires going beyond our safe and familiar ways of being in relationship. To deepen intimacy, we need to express and show new and hidden parts of ourselves to our partner. Therefore, a strong sense of self and a commitment to personal and relationship growth are essential to tolerate the internal upset associated with fear of failure and rejection.

Intimacy should not be confused with a feeling of unity, validation, and compatibility. Staying in your comfort zone of predictability leads directly to detachment and boredom. Deepening intimacy requires us to give up our preconceived ideas of success and failure and be willing to explore the unknown.

Most couples have measured honesty about themselves and who they are rather than a position of I accept and love myself and can have strength in their own vulnerability. And when this becomes more important than the relationship status quo an amazing new level of intimacy is created.

Time and life-experience help us to develop desire out of fullness, instead of need for gratification; love as an act, rather than a reaction; and most difficult of all, self-validation, instead of needing to be validated.

One thing people can do to increase intimacy is to open their eyes and look into the soul of their partner. Eighty percent of people have the lights out or their eyes closed during their most intimate moments.

In order to open our eyes and allow ourselves to be seen, we need to quiet the inner critic that may worry about apparent flaws and inadequacies. We need to grasp the beauty within to allow ourselves to be seen. We need to see the beauty within the other to embrace our partner.